KERRY AND TIM'S FERTILITY JOURNEY
KERRY AND TIM'S FERTILITY JOURNEY
Kerry and Tim are ex-patients of St Jude’s Fertility Clinic. They have kindly agreed to share their rollercoaster of a journey to becoming parents, in the hope that they can inspire others currently experiencing fertility problems. Kerry (age 40) is a dental nurse and Tim (age 38) is a carpenter with his own business. They have been together for 20 years and married for 10 years this August. They had been trying for a baby for 12 long years, before finally conceiving via treatment here at St Jude’s.
We asked Kerry several questions about her and Tim’s fertility story – read her answers in this special interview feature below. When did you first start trying to conceive and how long was it before you decided to seek help through fertility services? I knew before I met Tim that it would be a struggle for me to conceive and before we got too serious I made sure he knew that I might never be able to have children. I was about 18 when Mr Adeghe, my then gynaecologist, told me that I had 18 months approximately if I wanted to have a family. At the time I was not ready to settle but was aware of the effect this would have on my future. We started trying after a few years together but knowing the problem beforehand didn’t wait too long before seeking help through fertility services. This was the start of a very long road!
How did infertility affect you in your personal life?
It had a massive impact on both of us and our relationship. I felt like I was a failure, that as a woman I couldn't even do the only job I was made for. I couldn't understand why Tim would want to be with me when he was so desperate for a child, and I couldn't give him one. This caused tension in our relationship as we struggled to deal with not only the treatment but also the grief that came with each loss and each failed attempt. Tim always told me “I don’t want any baby, I want a baby with you, our baby.” I loved him for that. I come from a large family, and so does Tim. The whole time we were having treatment, people and family members were getting pregnant, and we seemed to be surrounded by babies. Sometimes I was envious, not because I wanted their babies but because I wanted my own with my husband's smile. My sister got pregnant just after we had a failed course of IVF and asked me to be her birthing partner. Of course, I agreed to do it which may sound strange but what an amazing experience; to see a new life come into this world was mind-blowing and made me more determined than ever to have one of our own. I was happy for people when they said they were pregnant but our hearts ached for a child and every failed attempt was heartbreaking. I just kept thinking, when will it be us? Will it ever be us? Will we ever be mommy and daddy? People and even family members behaved very strangely when they had to tell us they were pregnant; it was almost like they were afraid to tell us, like we were going to break down or attack them. Looking back it’s quite funny really.
Tell us about the sort of fertility treatments you had - what were they like to experience?
We had IVF and ICSI. I also had other procedures beforehand. IVF is hard, really really hard. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, not only from the medication but from the stress of wanting something so much. This put a massive strain on us. Financially, this is a huge part of the stress. When you are having IVF, the medication makes you feel all over the place. Even the slightest comment can make you run for the hills crying or ready to tear the house down. People walk on eggshells around you which makes you worse. I suffered from headaches and sickness from some medication, so it's not for the faint-hearted.
How long did it take for you to get pregnant after starting treatment?
We got pregnant on our second course of IVF with twins. We lost them at 9 weeks. We had previously had a miscarriage of a natural pregnancy which we lost at 7 weeks. We had another miscarriage after that and many failed attempts but then, finally, we had another positive test. How did you feel in that moment you realised you had a positive pregnancy test? Over the moon but nervous at the same time. Worried that we may lose the baby and knowing the heartbreak that would bring. We had already agreed that after 12 years of treatment this would be our last attempt. I was far more relaxed than Tim, he was a nervous wreck!
Did you face any challenges or worries during your pregnancy?
I had gestational diabetes which I was checked frequently for and so was the baby. I was quite relaxed all the way through, terrified of scan dates. We worried about a lot of things but nothing major. Tell us about your baby! His name is Carter, he is 4 now, and he is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen! He is funny and clever and loving and totally amazing. He weighed 7lb 2oz. No one can prepare you for that rush of overwhelming love and protectiveness you feel when you see your baby for the first time. To see his little face, his eyes wide staring at us, is like no other feeling in the whole world. Tim held him before I did as he was born via c-section. We couldn’t believe we had finally done it; we were parents to our very own little baby. What is it like being a mum after the long-awaited journey that you had? Exhausting ha! But worth every second. I used to sit looking at him and holding him from one feed to another; he was so perfect. I kiss him constantly, and he loves it! He looks at us like we are the best people in the whole world and he makes us want to be better and do better for us and for him. His love is unconditional, as is ours for him. The first time he called me mommy I thought my heart would burst. The first time he put his arms out for me was the same. Every milestone was a miracle.
What advice would you give to couples going through their own fertility journey based on your experiences?
Stay together as a team. This is the most important thing. Don't lose sight of what you want or who you are together. The stress of IVF or any fertility treatment can make you forget what you're fighting for. Yes, you want a baby, but without each other's support, the struggle will be endless and never ever give up until your mind and heart agree with one another that it’s time to stop. Be ready for heartache and stressful times. This may not be the case for you, and you may be lucky the first time, but if you’re not, get back up and carry on the fight. You will get there in the end.
We’d like to thank Kerry and Tim for taking the time to share their very moving and inspirational fertility story.
It just goes to show that sometimes, even when it looks like there is no hope and that it's time to give up, that's not necessarily the case. We hope that this story inspires others in a similar situation. If you’d like to talk to someone about our fertility services and how we could help you, please get in touch by calling 01902 620831.
Kerry and Tim are ex-patients of St Jude’s Fertility Clinic. They have kindly agreed to share their rollercoaster of a journey to becoming parents, in the hope that they can inspire others currently experiencing fertility problems. Kerry (age 40) is a dental nurse and Tim (age 38) is a carpenter with his own business. They have been together for 20 years and married for 10 years this August. They had been trying for a baby for 12 long years, before finally conceiving via treatment here at St Jude’s.
We asked Kerry several questions about her and Tim’s fertility story – read her answers in this special interview feature below. When did you first start trying to conceive and how long was it before you decided to seek help through fertility services? I knew before I met Tim that it would be a struggle for me to conceive and before we got too serious I made sure he knew that I might never be able to have children. I was about 18 when Mr Adeghe, my then gynaecologist, told me that I had 18 months approximately if I wanted to have a family. At the time I was not ready to settle but was aware of the effect this would have on my future. We started trying after a few years together but knowing the problem beforehand didn’t wait too long before seeking help through fertility services. This was the start of a very long road!
How did infertility affect you in your personal life?
It had a massive impact on both of us and our relationship. I felt like I was a failure, that as a woman I couldn't even do the only job I was made for. I couldn't understand why Tim would want to be with me when he was so desperate for a child, and I couldn't give him one. This caused tension in our relationship as we struggled to deal with not only the treatment but also the grief that came with each loss and each failed attempt. Tim always told me “I don’t want any baby, I want a baby with you, our baby.” I loved him for that. I come from a large family, and so does Tim. The whole time we were having treatment, people and family members were getting pregnant, and we seemed to be surrounded by babies. Sometimes I was envious, not because I wanted their babies but because I wanted my own with my husband's smile. My sister got pregnant just after we had a failed course of IVF and asked me to be her birthing partner. Of course, I agreed to do it which may sound strange but what an amazing experience; to see a new life come into this world was mind-blowing and made me more determined than ever to have one of our own. I was happy for people when they said they were pregnant but our hearts ached for a child and every failed attempt was heartbreaking. I just kept thinking, when will it be us? Will it ever be us? Will we ever be mommy and daddy? People and even family members behaved very strangely when they had to tell us they were pregnant; it was almost like they were afraid to tell us, like we were going to break down or attack them. Looking back it’s quite funny really.
Tell us about the sort of fertility treatments you had - what were they like to experience?
We had IVF and ICSI. I also had other procedures beforehand. IVF is hard, really really hard. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, not only from the medication but from the stress of wanting something so much. This put a massive strain on us. Financially, this is a huge part of the stress. When you are having IVF, the medication makes you feel all over the place. Even the slightest comment can make you run for the hills crying or ready to tear the house down. People walk on eggshells around you which makes you worse. I suffered from headaches and sickness from some medication, so it's not for the faint-hearted.
How long did it take for you to get pregnant after starting treatment?
We got pregnant on our second course of IVF with twins. We lost them at 9 weeks. We had previously had a miscarriage of a natural pregnancy which we lost at 7 weeks. We had another miscarriage after that and many failed attempts but then, finally, we had another positive test. How did you feel in that moment you realised you had a positive pregnancy test? Over the moon but nervous at the same time. Worried that we may lose the baby and knowing the heartbreak that would bring. We had already agreed that after 12 years of treatment this would be our last attempt. I was far more relaxed than Tim, he was a nervous wreck!
Did you face any challenges or worries during your pregnancy?
I had gestational diabetes which I was checked frequently for and so was the baby. I was quite relaxed all the way through, terrified of scan dates. We worried about a lot of things but nothing major. Tell us about your baby! His name is Carter, he is 4 now, and he is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen! He is funny and clever and loving and totally amazing. He weighed 7lb 2oz. No one can prepare you for that rush of overwhelming love and protectiveness you feel when you see your baby for the first time. To see his little face, his eyes wide staring at us, is like no other feeling in the whole world. Tim held him before I did as he was born via c-section. We couldn’t believe we had finally done it; we were parents to our very own little baby. What is it like being a mum after the long-awaited journey that you had? Exhausting ha! But worth every second. I used to sit looking at him and holding him from one feed to another; he was so perfect. I kiss him constantly, and he loves it! He looks at us like we are the best people in the whole world and he makes us want to be better and do better for us and for him. His love is unconditional, as is ours for him. The first time he called me mommy I thought my heart would burst. The first time he put his arms out for me was the same. Every milestone was a miracle.
What advice would you give to couples going through their own fertility journey based on your experiences?
Stay together as a team. This is the most important thing. Don't lose sight of what you want or who you are together. The stress of IVF or any fertility treatment can make you forget what you're fighting for. Yes, you want a baby, but without each other's support, the struggle will be endless and never ever give up until your mind and heart agree with one another that it’s time to stop. Be ready for heartache and stressful times. This may not be the case for you, and you may be lucky the first time, but if you’re not, get back up and carry on the fight. You will get there in the end.
We’d like to thank Kerry and Tim for taking the time to share their very moving and inspirational fertility story.
It just goes to show that sometimes, even when it looks like there is no hope and that it's time to give up, that's not necessarily the case. We hope that this story inspires others in a similar situation. If you’d like to talk to someone about our fertility services and how we could help you, please get in touch by calling 01902 620831.